The Benefit of Worrying

20/12/2011 by Ann.

I was out having a coffee with a girlfriend last week and she made an interesting observation about me: taking into account that I have had a pretty challenging year, which meant I spent eight months being unable to work due to having a frozen shoulder and being incapacitated, she commented that, out of all the people she knows, I seem to have this ability to appear free from worry. I was really fascinated by her comment, as it wasn’t always so.

When I was young I was quite a worrier: I am not sure where it came from, but I know my mum had to eek out the money my dad brought home and look after her elderly mother, while all the time bringing up my two brothers and me, so that was quite tough for her and maybe her regular statements about being careful around money started that line of thinking off for me.

My biggest anxiety came after a huge achievement when I gained a scholarship to a private school. I never felt I was good enough and was always worrying that, if I didn’t do well, I would get thrown out! Instead of enjoying my time there, I spent the first five years in a state of anxiety. If it hadn’t been for my best friend Nalini, I don’t know how I would have got through it all. Funnily enough, when I had finished my legal time in school and I could leave, I was more than happy to stay on for the final two years, which I liked a lot more.

I probably never worried as much after that time, but I still worried quite a lot up until a few years ago, when I finally decided it was time to change. The thing is, in order to change something you have to know why you are doing it in the first place.

Like any negative behaviour, worrying has to have a benefit: humans only ever do something that gives them a positive outcome in some way, as that is what keeps them doing it. Think about self-harming – people who do this always say there is a great feeling of being in total control, before the pain kicks in.

So, what was the benefit to me of worrying? Well it gave me the feeling I was doing something, when I actually wasn’t, as ‘thinking’ and ‘doing’ are not the same things.

So, if you are worrying about something, ask yourself what the benefit is and ‘I don’t know’ is not an answer – it’s just you hiding from the truth. Once you get to the truth of the benefit you can start addressing it and begin to worry less.

Besides, you get what you focus on, so why focus on something negative?

I loved the following quote from Esther and Jerry Hicks about worrying, which sums it up perfectly:

‘Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.’

I found that very powerful and so true. As it is almost 2012 one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself this Christmas is to make the decision to act more and worry less.

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