16/05/2012 by Ann.

I was watching Nico Rosberg being interviewed on TV and he was the surprise winner of the China Formula 1 Grand Prix.

 He was asked what would be a nice season for him and he replied ‘To finish leader at the end’ or words to that effect and THEN he added ‘but that’s not realistic’.

 EEK!!!!

It’s important here to remember that you create your reality. Now people love to say that isn’t true (a kind of blame game or refusal to take responsibility) but if it wasn’t the case everyone would think the same way about everything. For example, it rains and some people take the view their day is ruined, while others thank the rain for saving them from having to go out and water the garden.

Think of witnesses in a crime – they all saw the same thing, yet their descriptions are not always similar because they each had a unique perspective and so they each created their own ‘real’ version of the event.

All being ‘realistic’ does is hold you back from achieving what you want to achieve. If Rosberg has the opinion that he won’t be leader at the end of the season then, quite simply he won’t, because for a start he lacks the belief that he can do it.

When you want to achieve something, you have to first of all know what that thing is that you want to achieve: you need a goal.

Then you need the desire to go and achieve it (and this is what stops most people – lack of desire). If it is only a ‘nice to have’ thing, then your desire isn’t strong enough.

After that you need to DECIDE that you are going to do something and take ACTION.

Nico needs a plan if he is going to bea serious contender for the F1 title and, to me it sounds as if he hasn’t really got one. Of course there are other elements involved, but, if he is not focussed on a goal and hasn’t decided to go for it, he has scuppered himself already.

So, how many times, when you are unhappy about something in your life do you say to yourself ‘Well, that’s reality’ or allow someone else to say that to you (I had a boyfriend who used to say that to me all the time – he was rubbish at taking responsibility for his actions).

Think about your life now and where you are stuck – are you really stuck or is that simply because you haven’t decided and taken action to change things?

Sometimes you need a ‘Kickstart’ (or kick in the pants!) to get yourself unstuck and so I have decided to offer a 90 minute one-off session to help you get out of the rut you are in. Just use this link to learn more and, if you really are ready to make a change, contact me and we will set up a time for your call and get you moving!

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01/05/2012 by Ann.

In the book ‘The Games People Play’ there is a game called ‘Why don’t you…. Yes, BUT….’

It’s going on around us all the time and the typical scenario is as follows:

A friend calls you with a problem and asks for your help.

You have a great solution so you say ‘Why don’t you … ‘ then give them your solution.

They reply ‘Yes, but… ‘

So you offer them another solution; ‘In that case, why don’t you …’

They reply ‘Yes, but…’

You then come up with an even better solution; ‘Hey, I’ve got an even better idea: why don’t you…’

Guess what they answer?

‘Yes, but …’

You are on a hiding to nothing and you have no doubt played both roles in your life.

The thing is, when we have a problem, we don’t want the other person to give us their solution, we want them to agree with our solution. We might tell them we want their advice/opinion, and yet, when they give it, we argue all the reasons why it cannot be done that way and why our solution is the best one. We want validation, not a debate.

What is it that makes us so insecure that we get ourselves into these conversations? OK if it’s a matter of life and death you may want to consult an expert, but it if concerns buying a new TV or whether you should send your child to this class or that school, it really is up to you to make the decision or involve anyone else who actually needs to be involved in the decision making process.

Being clear about your outcome and what you want is all that counts at this stage and you have to be the one who takes responsibility.

This need to ask everyone else is based on your own lack of confidence in your decision making ability and, unless you find out where that comes from, you are going to keep running to other people to get reassurance.

What you can do is listen to your intuition: what is it telling you to do? Imagine yourself in each of the different outcomes and see how you feel in your gut when you do that. It will point you in the direction you need to go and you will learn to trust yourself as that is the key to everything.

So, why don’t you go away and make sure that in future you practise doing that?

No ‘buts’ involved!

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16/04/2012 by Ann.

We are constantly bombarded with information today via, TV, radio, i-pads, mobile ‘phones, ipods, social media and internet access.

Phew! It’s a wonder we have time to do anything!

I resisted Facebook for years, until I joined a programme and it had a Facebook group, so in order to get the best out of it I needed to be in the group.

I had, until that point, never understood people who told me they were addicted to FB or their kids spent hours on it. Once I had been on for a few months and was in a few more groups, had set up my business page and was getting all my social media sorted, I realised how easy it is to spend time checking FB when I could be doing something else.

In fact I would say FB is probably the displacement activity of choice for most of the people in the world with access to the internet! A bold claim I know, but it certainly beats most other displacement activities.

Tidying used to be my displacement activity of choice: especially when I was faced with the ironing!

However, for women who care for others, this can become a displacement activity in itself. When we stop doing stuff for them, we feel guilty that we are not doing ‘enough’ and heaven forbid that we should take time out to do stuff for ourselves.

Yet, only by taking time out to put our needs first can we increase our productivity.

All the research demonstrates that, in business, where employees work longer hours, their productivity falls – it’s the law of diminishing returns in action. Just because you are not working for a big company it doesn’t mean that you can thwart this law: it still applies to you! It is the old thing of learning to work smarter as opposed to harder. You work hard enough, so now choose to do stuff that re-energises you so that you work more productively later. Plus you get to choose what this is, so to get you started it could be one of the following:

• Going for a coffee with a friend
• A half hour walk in the middle of the day
• A facial, massage, manicure, pedicure…. Etc
• Tai Chi (supposedly one of the best practices for keeping us young and fit)
• Any form of exercise
• Join some sort of club or organisation if you like mixing with others
• Take up dancing (I love Zumba and completely forget about everything while I madly focus on following the steps!)
• Read a book
• Learn another language
• Do anything that expands your brain and gets you thinking about something else

I think that’s a good start.

You can care for others far better when you are looking after yourself first. In fact it is so important that you do look after yourself or otherwise you will become ill and then you won’t be able to care for anybody, or yourself.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in looking after others, when you are in the role of carer, either your kids, parents, relatives or spouse. But you are just as important as them.

Sacrifice is overrated and doesn’t really benefit anyone unless you are sacrificing something of a lower value in order to allow something of a higher value to come into your life (one of my mentors taught me that).

So, start your list of self-care actions now, and that is your first opportunity to get into the habit of doing something for yourself!

Also, remember if you are a carer, to check out my website at http://www.redcarpetwealth.com

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31/03/2012 by Ann.

What did you think when you read the above sentence? Was it along the lines of:

 ‘No, I don’t’

 ‘It’s impossible to care too much’

 ’Caring means I am a good person’

Or something similar?

What if I rephrased it to the question ‘Do you care too much for other people?’

Because that is what today’s subject is all about.

There is nothing wrong with caring! It would be a sad world if we didn’t care for others and helped them out in times of need, or as a random act of kindness. What isn’t so good is when we neglect our own self care in favour of caring for others. We become slaves or martyrs to those around us and yet, our own lives become diminished in the process.

I know there are many of you out there who care for others, be it your children, elderly parents or similar.

That is all good. It’s also good to acknowledge that you too need to be cared for and, if you refuse to acknowledge that, it will diminish your own self-worth and then you are on the slippery slope to being a doormat for everyone else.

I’ve worked in care, I am a carer for my elderly mum along with my brothers. When I was doing both it became overwhelming and exhausting. My life was busy: busy doing but as to ‘being’ well that just went on the back burner. It doesn’t matter if you believe in god or class yourself as someone who is spiritual or if you have no belief at all, it is important that you value yourself and make self-care one of your priorities, because, if you don’t, then you are only living half a life.

Women are programmed to spend their lives on the guilt trip of caring for others as, for generations it was their role to do so. Even now the debate rages over stay at home Vs working mothers and it seems we really haven’t come that far in the way that we judge women for making those decisions in a way that we don’t judge men.

 We are still stuck on those old paradigms.

It’s back to the old metaphor or the plane and the oxygen mask: you put yours on first before helping others, as if you don’t you will suffocate and then who can you help?  In life we still seem to forget or ignore this lesson or we see people who look after themselves as being selfish and having ‘too much time on their hands’. Oh, and while we are at it, endless cosmetic surgery isn’t about self-care, it’s about low self-esteem.

What is your morning ritual? Do you take time to acknowledge the good things in your life and be grateful for them or do you run around after everyone else in the house before finally sorting yourself out? Do you get to work and then tell yourself off for not reminding your husband/son/daughter that the car tax/homework is due today?

Today think about how much time you spend each day doing things for yourself and then how much time you do things for others.

If it was someone else – what would you say to them?

Self care means a happier you: why would you deprive your friends and family of that gift?

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05/03/2012 by Ann.

I recently saw George give a fantastic performance in ‘The Descendents’ yet he was in the news last week for saying he didn’t mind if people thought he was gay.

 I am sure that many people were surprised, seeing as he has had a string of beautiful girlfriends on his arm over they years and no doubt many thought he would be calling his lawyers at the first opportunity, like some other high profile actors have been known to do at the first sign of a rumour.

Yet George just said it didn’t bother him as he has plenty of gay friends so why would he worry what was said? Plus, he wasn’t going to waste his time on the subject.

That told me a very interesting and important fact about George: he doesn’t care what people think about him

Let’s say that again:

He doesn’t care what people think about him.

That is truly amazing in a world of people who run around trying to fit in and please others. It shows great self-esteem and self-belief in an industry which is rife with insecurity. Go George!

That article came at the right time for me (well the universe is good at stuff like that) as I had been contemplating what I was going to do for lent this year. It is still something I like to take part in as it appeals to my sense of self-discipline!

These days I give something up and then take something on! So I am taking up committing to formal exercise three times per week and I have given up almost all television. I am allowed to watch five hours a week max and that consists of ‘The Good Wife’, ‘Homeland’ and the Six Nations rugby matches. Which in fact adds up to about three and a half hours a week as I don’t watch all the rugby.

I had already cut down: I rarely watch the news and to be honest I haven’t missed it and have easily stopped watching trash. BBC4 on a Saturday is the one thing I miss so I may have to watch a foreign detective series on the i-player. The only downside is when I am at my mum’s as she spends all day watching television, being 90 and somewhat frail. This means it is a little surreal and rather like being banished to my bedroom when I was a teenager!

When I have mentioned this to people they have looked aghast and disbelieving as if it is impossible to survive without television, but as I don’t watch the soaps I think I already have an advantage. The thing is, rather like George, I don’t care what they think of my decision as it suits me perfectly.

Likewise some of the coaching and training programmes I am doing at the moment may be a bit ‘out there’ for some people, so either I don’t talk to them about it, or I just don’t really care if they think I am turning into some hippie.

So my question to you this week is ‘What would be different about your life if you stopped caring about what other people think?’

Go on, give it a go and see how it feels! You may find it the most liberating thing you have ever done.

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06/02/2012 by Ann.

When you look at how much money you spend, and I mean on everything. How much exactly do you invest in yourself?

I’m not talking about clothes, beauty products, shoes, jewellery or meals out: I am talking about your investment in your personal development.

I’m asking because, as you read this newsletter, I will be in the air on my way to Salt Lake City for David Neagle’s ‘Breaking Free Live Experience’.

I’ve taken a couple of David’s programmes in the last eight months and this is the first time I will be seeing him in person.

I must admit Salt Lake City is not the easiest place to get to from the UK and I will be spending more time at Denver airport between flights than is probably healthy, but I was absolutely determined to experience him in the flesh so to speak, as he has changed the lives of so many people.

Every since I began my coaching training I have invested tens of thousands of pounds/dollars on courses to expand my knowledge in all kinds of areas.

My latest purchase is in HBR (Holistic Belief Reprogramming, which is a form of EFT/Tapping) via the fabulously named Erika Awakening. I just love Erika; she is a no-nonsense kind of gal who, on her Facebook group, is great with the tough love approach and she won’t stand for any excuses! This means you have to step up and really take a good look at yourself – not always easy when your ego wants to run away from your issues. If you want to know more about Erika and what she does you can use my link to go to her website and take a look around:

https://erikaawakening.com/dap/a/?a=146

 In 2010/11 I not only did the David Neagle courses, but training with Kendall Summerhawk and Elizabeth Purvis and of course I am currently working one on one with my own coach, Lisa Farr, here in the UK.

Being totally honest, this was quite a push for me, especially as I spent so much time out of action with my injury last year and not earning any money, but it is important for me to keep developing myself in order to help my clients (and it isn’t only my clients – it helps with all my relationships).

 In the past I have worked for companies who spent little or no money on their staff development. What a loss to them and their staff. When I set up my own business I made it a priority to keep investing in my training, no matter what.

How much do you value yourself and how could investing more in yourself get you closer to a life that you love and the person you really want to be?

If you are stressed, anxious, worried or just generally feeling restless and in need of something more in your life, start taking action now and step up to investing in yourself.

Oh and by the way, saying ‘I can’t afford it’ is unacceptable. If you really want something enough you will find a way to afford it – how else do you think I managed to get myself to Salt Lake City?

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22/01/2012 by Ann.

When it comes to new opportunities, which of the following best describes you?

A)     I love it – new opportunities mean I can grow my business and/or myself.

B)     I consider the options and if it is going to benefit me and then decide.

C)    I prefer to stick with what I know.

If you answered ‘C’ you may really be missing out on reaching your goals and achieving a life you love.

Seth Godin has written on his blog about the Lizard Brain, which is really another word for the Ego. The Ego loves to keep you safe and secure and it constantly seeks reassurance. Seth uses a great example of constantly checking for your plane ticket when you leave for the airport, even though you know you have it in your pocket.

The thing is, often new opportunities don’t come with any guaranteed reassurance any more than life does. Just because the sun has risen every day of your life, it doesn’t mean that it will tomorrow. It is highly likely, but, there are never any guarantees and this is where the biggest challenges come for all of us. As children we are reassured by our parents and, as parents, we tell our kids that ‘everything is going to be fine’. We cannot guarantee that: it is a great statement of hope, which is wonderful, but relying on guarantees like this just feeds our Lizard Brain, which constantly questions things.

The Ego is desperate to keep us safe, so doesn’t like change at all: why else do people stay in abusive relationships? The Ego wants to stick with what it knows, because it can deal with that as it has done it in the past. A new future is far more scary for the Ego, even if it means that things could get so much better.

The majority of us are not in abusive relationships, but the Ego is great at keeping us in jobs that we hate and bodies that are ailing because we don’t take time to look after them, and it is easier to sit watching TV than to get up and do some exercise.

The Ego may try to convince you that it has your best interests at heart, but all it wants to do is sabotage new opportunities and stay in a place where it doesn’t feel threatened.

The next time an opportunity comes up for you ignore the Ego and what it is whispering to you and, instead, ask yourself David Neagle’s four questions:

1. Is this something I want to be, do or have?
2. Will being, doing or having this bring me closer to my goal?
3. Is being, doing or having this in line with Universal Law? (More life to all)
4. Does being, doing or having this violate the rights of others?

You want to answer ‘Yes’ to the first three questions and ‘No’ to the fourth in order to go ahead.

Use the four questions whenever new opportunities come up and to stop your Ego getting its way and keeping you stuck where you are and see what happens!

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20/12/2011 by Ann.

I was out having a coffee with a girlfriend last week and she made an interesting observation about me: taking into account that I have had a pretty challenging year, which meant I spent eight months being unable to work due to having a frozen shoulder and being incapacitated, she commented that, out of all the people she knows, I seem to have this ability to appear free from worry. I was really fascinated by her comment, as it wasn’t always so.

When I was young I was quite a worrier: I am not sure where it came from, but I know my mum had to eek out the money my dad brought home and look after her elderly mother, while all the time bringing up my two brothers and me, so that was quite tough for her and maybe her regular statements about being careful around money started that line of thinking off for me.

My biggest anxiety came after a huge achievement when I gained a scholarship to a private school. I never felt I was good enough and was always worrying that, if I didn’t do well, I would get thrown out! Instead of enjoying my time there, I spent the first five years in a state of anxiety. If it hadn’t been for my best friend Nalini, I don’t know how I would have got through it all. Funnily enough, when I had finished my legal time in school and I could leave, I was more than happy to stay on for the final two years, which I liked a lot more.

I probably never worried as much after that time, but I still worried quite a lot up until a few years ago, when I finally decided it was time to change. The thing is, in order to change something you have to know why you are doing it in the first place.

Like any negative behaviour, worrying has to have a benefit: humans only ever do something that gives them a positive outcome in some way, as that is what keeps them doing it. Think about self-harming – people who do this always say there is a great feeling of being in total control, before the pain kicks in.

So, what was the benefit to me of worrying? Well it gave me the feeling I was doing something, when I actually wasn’t, as ‘thinking’ and ‘doing’ are not the same things.

So, if you are worrying about something, ask yourself what the benefit is and ‘I don’t know’ is not an answer – it’s just you hiding from the truth. Once you get to the truth of the benefit you can start addressing it and begin to worry less.

Besides, you get what you focus on, so why focus on something negative?

I loved the following quote from Esther and Jerry Hicks about worrying, which sums it up perfectly:

‘Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.’

I found that very powerful and so true. As it is almost 2012 one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself this Christmas is to make the decision to act more and worry less.

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05/12/2011 by Ann.

For the uninitiated, Marmite is a yeast paste, made out of the by-product from brewing and has a distinctive salty and vinegary flavour. It is known as Vegemite in Australia.

Due to its strong flavour its strap line is ‘You either love it or you hate it’. I have to be honest and say I don’t like it but I know plenty of people who love it spread on toast.

So why am I talking about a food product?

It’s very simple: when you are in business you have worked hard on the product or service you are offering to make it the best it can be. You have spent hours tweaking it, making it better, getting feedback from clients and friends, doing surveys even.

This means that you often have a big emotional attachment to it: after all this is your baby and you want everyone to love it as much as you do!

But all products and services are to some extent, like Marmite. Some people will love what you are offering, others will be a bit indifferent and yes, some will hate it!

I think that is a really good thing: wouldn’t you rather inspire a strong reaction in people than a mild interest or even indifferenceI’ve worked with some top mentors and even they readily admit that not everyone likes their style! There are millions of potential customers out there, so it doesn’t matter if some of them choose to go elsewhere: think of Coke and Pepsi, neither of them are struggling to attract customers (and I dislike both – I doubt either company is losing any sleep about that!).

The thing is, you are here to serve the people you need to serve; those who will benefit most from your offering, and the rest is really none of your business, it is somebody else’s. There is room for everyone, so keep focussing on the people you were meant to serve, who you love and who will love you back for what you do for them.

See, it really is simple!

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01/12/2011 by Ann.

I am avoiding the news at the moment: it is full of doom and gloom which does no one any good, as people attempt to predict what happens in the future, when of course none of them would consult a psychic!

However today as I logged on a headline caught my eye: ‘Drought in UK next summer ‘Almost inevitable”

I almost fell off the sofa laughing: after a night of rain and the recent weather showing the highest rainfall figures across many areas of the country. Of course this so called ‘drought’ is only going to occur in areas where they have had a low rainfall in 2011. Apparently some areas only saw 70% of average rainfall. Another cause for laughter in a country that sees rain on a regular basis, and our shortfall is probably tens of times more rain than in countries such as Morocco.

Of course this scare mongering is followed by blame - people targeting greedy water companies, building projects and of course the government.

We have constantly had drought warnings in recent years and yet I have never had a hosepipe ban, and I live in the south, which is the warmest and driest part of England; this summer my lawns have remained lush and green.

There is more than enough water - it is abundant and yet the lack mentality featured in the media just adds to the doom and gloom. I refuse to buy in to this thinking: after all they said in the 1970’s we only had enough oil in the world to last twenty years!

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